Panfield Pirates XX (censored) Spangels 1

It was a big task,
They all knew that.
Two years off football,
Carrying extra fat.
But with JT, Lynch, Whites and Lowe
This "Band of Brothers" thought they'd give it a go.

All smiles in the car park,
What a team they'd been!
Pairs of Rose-tinted specs,
were definitely seen.
Crayzy was hopeful, Sayer older,
Martin chirpy, Wilson balder!

Ramsay was ready
To dive about.
Leighton and Putt
Full of doubt.
Grey kit stretched over wider tummies,
What a complete group of dummies!

Warm-up complete,
Wheezing started.
The overhead clouds
Duly parted.
Sayer won the toss and then we were off.
Only 90 to go - where's that white cloth?!

But Spangels held firm,
For several minutes.
Despite their opponents,
All being whippets.
In fact twenty were on the clock,
Before Panfield beat Ramsay the rock.

Number two came
Just five minutes later.
Tivey, that fouling
Ankle hater.
The penalty was duly dispatched.
Were Ramsay's arms attached?

It was three-nil
Shortly after.
Furrowed brows
Replaced laughter.
Half-time whistle - it's not too bad!
Only down by three, why be sad?

But here's where
Spangels mistake lay.
Having a rest
Rather than play.
Within a ninth of the half, four goals shipped.
Our dreams of glory now looked harelipped.

As the second
Half wore on,
It seemed the game
was to last an eon.
More and more attacks on the Spangels net
Filled each player's heart with regret.

Why did we do this?
What was the bother?
Panfield didn't care
As they scored another!
But there was one card up Spangels sleeve.
Crayzy in attack! What would that achieve?!

But here's where
They were wrong,
As Putt to Craze,
Brought Spangels a song.
We scored a goal! Never mind what we've let in!
Our score says "one", that's better than nothing!

The final whistle blew,
Thank God for that!
I need some water,
Shower whereat?
Never again must we do this!
Us playing football was remiss.

But chin up lads,
What friends we are,
As this dishevelled bunch
headed for the bar.
We might not be back in a footballing guise,
As from this game we've said our goodbyes...

DIY Beats Captain Theo'

Spangels will be a Captain short on 31st August against Panfield Pirates, with Matt Theobald succumbing to the horror that is a DIY emergency!

This could leave Spangels short at the back, although the pacy (!) Flymo Tiv' is expected to start alongside Crayzy in Theo's place. With Lynch booked at right-back and Martyn left, you could say Spangels have no concerns in defence - but then you'd be lying.

Midfield is dominated by the presence that is Fudge Lowe, with his terrier Windy "doing his running". Sayer and Wilse on the wings will add skill, with Whiteman and Leighton forming a Jekyll and Hyde partnership upfront. Outstanding recalls exist for Razor and Toddy, whilst a certain Phil Cade may be back on the scene - now that is something...

Shiver-mi-timbers! Spangels Face Pirates In One-Off Friendly

Ahoy there land lubbers! Spangels are setting sail again in an 11-a-side guise against the mighty Panfield Pirates (formerly Sporting 77 first team) of BNESL Premier Division fame! In a one-off return to the beautiful game, Spangels will be dragging some familiar names out of bed for the 10.30am kick-off at Panfield's home pitch The Bell Public House on 31st August.

A few protagonists took convincing, but a strong (if unfit) squad has been formed, with more names in the pipe-line;

Craig "Rammer" Ramsay - since quiting 11-a-side, Rams has produced (via his wife) twin girls, which ensure those bags under his eyes stay of a decent size.

Chris "Stealth Wealth" Lynch - a broken wrist suspended Lynch's dash for glory on a 600cc motorcycle, so now he returns to the turf for further sporting memories to share with anyone in ear-shot.

Ian "Crayzy" Pritchard - Spangels manager, now back with Casuals for 2008/2009 season. This is unlikely to help Spangels, but at least he's kicked a ball this year!

Martin "Mud Splat" Parrett - second oldest squad member. Was excellent in recent 6-a-side outing. Was too keen for his own good when approached for this match...

Matt "Care Bear" Theobald - captain Theo almost declined this one on account of his commitment to perfection, until it was pointed out he's never achieved this. Knob.

Jon "JT" Tivey - the slow-mo flymo is raring to go. With gritted teeth and grazed thighs, nothing will stop JT. Apart from a red card, or a meat product.

Dan "Fudge" Lowe - now slimmed to his true fighting weight, Spangels' Jan Molby will as usual be the key creative force in midfield, that is until the hammy goes, or the shoulder, or the dinner bell!

Dan "Shuffle" Sayer - just one more time the fans (!) want to see the "Sayer Shuffle", that has bamboozled defenders for century's now... A Spangel original, Sayer has more history than the Encyclopedia Britannica.

Dan "Bambi" Wilson - with Aus' calling, Wilson's left-wing play is now of limited future, thank God! Hopefully he can shin one over from three yards or dangle a foot in for old times' sake.

Paul "Whites" Whiteman - the other Casual in the squad, Whites still has what it takes to put any defence to the sword. What everyone is asking, though, is why the hell has he agreed to play for this shower (actually, let me come back to you on that - we're not sure he has)?

Richard "Windy" Winsborough - what he lacks in height he makes up for in headless-chicken running about, which is good because the rest of Spangels' squad will be wheezing after ten minutes...

Leighton Williams - the manager of the opponents, being an ex-Spangel will be turning out for the away side. Christ!

It should be an interesting affair, with Spangels relying on their passing game to keep the youngsters of Panfield at bay. Or alternatively they'll hoof it long for Whiteman to run after gamely. Either way, what a great way to celebrate Spangel-ness, whilst not committing to a league format which will be instantly regretted, with withdrawl after three games...